Akatsuki Christmas Carols
by gonyonomaru
Summary: A collection of Akatsuki Christmas carols! Have you ever heard 'Itachi the Emo Ninja' or 'Orochimaru is coming to town? How about 'Deidera the Terrorist? Well, they are much more... 'magical' than our classic carols. Warning: slight crack.
1. 2010

Hello! In spirit of the holidays, I decided to make a couple of ridiculous, Akatsuki themed Christmas carols! There are five of them and here they are:

_Frosty the Snowman = Deidera the Terrorist._

Deidera the terrorist was a crazy, angry soul.

With a long blond wig and a fake eye,

And two mouths in his hands.

Deidera the terrorist is dead, they say,

He blew himself up but the Akatsuki's

Know how he came to life one day.

There must have been some chakra in that

Half Orochimaru half Kabuto they found,

For when he did the Imperial World Resurrection Jutsu,

Deidera began to move around.

Oh, Deidera the terrorist was a crazy, angry soul.

And now he's come back once again

To blow us all to hell!

_I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus = I saw Sasuke kissing Uzumaki Naruto._

I saw Sasuke kissing

Uzumaki Naruto

Underneath an umbrella

In the rain.

He didn't see me stalk

Him through the town to

Have a laugh;

He thought I was back in the

Akatsuki base

Annoying everyone.

Then I saw Sasuke kick Uzumaki Naruto

Right between the legs

So sickeningly hard;

Oh what a laugh it

Would have been

If Itachi had only seen

Sasuke kissing Uzumaki Naruto last night.

(From Tobi's POV)

_Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer = Itachi the emo ninja._

Itachi, the emo ninja

Had lines going down his face.

And if you ever saw him,

You would even say he's old.

All of the other ninja

Used to scream and run away.

They never let poor Itachi

Into the village to stay.

Then one dreary full moon night,

Madara came to say:

"Itachi with your hate so strong,

won't you kill those who are wrong?"

Then all the Akatsuki's loved him

As they shouted out with glee,

"Itachi the emo ninja,

you're the greatest murderer in history!"

_Santa Claus is coming to town = Orochimaru is coming to town_.

You better run. You better hide.

Better not sleep naked. I'm telling you why,

Orochimaru is coming to town.

He's sneaking into your house and watching you sleep.

He knows your darkest secrets

And he likes to lick your cheek.

So lock your doors for goodness sake!

Oh! You better run! You better hide!

Better not sleep naked. I'm telling you why,

Orochimaru is coming to town.

Orochimaru is coming to town.

_Jingle Bells = Running hell._

Running through the forest,

On a bloody, half broken leg.

Tripping over roots we go,

Screaming all the way.

Madara is getting closer

And we fell more afraid.

What a pain it is to run and scream

From an angry Uchiha tonight.

Running hell, running hell,

Running all the way!

Oh what a horror it is to run

On a bloody, half broken leg.

Thanks for reading!

Any thoughts?


	2. 2011

It's been a wonderful year and what better way to celebrate it than by singing some nice, Akatsuki classics? I hope it gets you into the festive holiday spirit (Akatsuki style).

_Misery to the World (Joy to the World)_

Misery to the world! Madara has come:

Let earth receive her torture.

Let all the ninja cower in fear.

And hell and the moon sing.

And hell and the moon sing.

And hell and hell and the moon sing!

He rules the world with cruelty and heartlessness,

And makes the nations crumble

To prove his unlimited power

And horrors of his evil plan,

And horrors of his evil plan,

And horrors, horrors of his evil plan.

_Let Naruto Burn! (Let It Snow)_

Oh, the moon outside is frightful,

But our hidden cave is so delightful,

And since we can't go outside,

Let Naruto burn, let Naruto burn, let Naruto burn!

Naruto doesn't show signs of dying

So I bought some knives for his stabbing;

The screams are turned way up high,

Let Naruto burn, let Naruto burn, let Naruto burn!

When he finally dies tonight,

How I'll hate cleaning up the bits,

But if you use a water jutsu,

My only worry will be your hits.

The night is slowly passing,

And, my comrade, we're still cheering.

But as long as we can seal the bijuu,

Let Naruto burn, let Naruto burn, let Naruto burn!

_Hidan is Coming to Town (Santa Claus is Coming to Town)_

You better hide your cross. You better be a Jashinist

Better not come out of hiding, I'm telling you why

Hidan is coming to town.

He's making sacrifices and stabbing them twice;

Gonna find out who's Jashinist or not.

Hidan is coming to town.

He sees you when you're bleeding

He knows when you're about to die

He knows if you're a Jashinist or not

So be a Jashinist for goodness sake!

Oh! You better hide your cross! You better be a Jashinist

Better not come out of hiding, I'm telling you why

Hidan is coming to town.

Hidan is coming to town!

_Tobi the Annoying Retard (Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer_)

Tobi, the annoying retard

Had a very bright orange mask.

And if you ever saw him,

You would even say he's insane.

All of the other Akatsuki

Used to run away and call him retarded.

They never let poor Tobi

Join in any Akatsuki missions.

Then one foggy Christmas Eve,

Tobi came to say:

"Tobi was never a real person

So bow to me, I'm very fearsome!"

Then all the Akatsuki feared him

As they cowered in caves with terror

Tobi the annoying retard,

You tricked us all!

_The Twelve Days of the Great Ninja War (The Twelve Days of Christmas)_

On the first day of war,

The masked troll sent to thee:

A message of suggested surrender.

On the second day of war,

The masked troll sent to thee:

Two massive meteors,

And a message of suggested surrender.

On the third day of war,

The masked troll sent to thee:

Three dead Konoha medics,

Two massive meteors,

And a message of suggested surrender.

On the fourth day of war,

The masked troll sent to thee:

Four suicidal terrorists,

Three dead Konoha medics,

Two massive meteors,

And a message of suggested surrender.

On the fifth day of war,

The masked troll sent to thee:

Five zombified Akatsuki members,

Four suicidal terrorists,

Three dead Konoha medics,

Two massive meteors,

And a message of suggested surrender.

On the sixth day of war,

The masked troll sent to thee:

Six consecutive attacks on the Kages,

Five zombified Akatsuki members,

Four suicidal terrorists,

Three dead Konoha medics,

Two massive meteors,

And a message of suggested surrender.

On the seventh day of war,

The masked troll sent to thee:

Seven revived previous bijuu owners,

Six consecutive attacks on the Kages,

Five zombified Akatsuki members,

Four suicidal terrorists,

Three dead Konoha medics,

Two massive meteors,

And a message of suggested surrender.

On the eighth day of war,

The masked troll sent to thee:

Eight stabs to the main defense,

Seven revived previous bijuu owners,

Six consecutive attacks on the Kages,

Five zombified Akatsuki members,

Four suicidal terrorists,

Three dead Konoha medics,

Two massive meteors,

And a message of suggested surrender.

On the ninth day of war,

The masked troll sent to thee:

Nine lies about his identity,

Eight stabs to the main defense,

Seven revived previous bijuu owners,

Six consecutive attacks on the Kages,

Five zombified Akatsuki members,

Four suicidal terrorists,

Three dead Konoha medics,

Two massive meteors,

And a message of suggested surrender.

On the tenth day of war,

The masked troll sent to thee:

Ten previously unseen versions of his mask,

Nine lies about his identity,

Eight stabs to the main defense,

Seven revived previous bijuu owners,

Six consecutive attacks on the Kages,

Five zombified Akatsuki members,

Four suicidal terrorists,

Three dead Konoha medics,

Two massive meteors,

And a message of suggested surrender.

On the eleventh day of war,

The masked troll sent to thee:

Eleven (thousand) Zetsus that infiltrated the armies,

Ten previously unseen versions of his mask,

Nine lies about his identity,

Eight stabs to the main defense,

Seven revived previous bijuu owners,

Six consecutive attacks on the Kages,

Five zombified Akatsuki members,

Four suicidal terrorists,

Three dead Konoha medics,

Two massive meteors,

And a message of suggested surrender.

On the twelfth day of war,

The masked troll sent to thee:

Twelve decapitated parts of Uzumaki Naruto,

Eleven (thousand) Zetsus that infiltrated the armies,

Ten previously unseen versions of his mask,

Nine lies about his identity,

Eight stabs to the main defense,

Seven revived previous bijuu owners,

Six consecutive attacks on the Kages,

Five zombified Akatsuki members,

Four suicidal terrorists,

Three dead Konoha medics,

Two massive meteors,

And a message of suggested surrender.

Merry Akatsuki Christmas!

Any thoughts?


End file.
